Now I’m on a discovery mission. I want to uncover as much positive knowledge as I possibly can and share what I find. I’ll continue to explore my creative side with some new shorts and possibly some photography or sketches – whatever moves me, positively.

As the articles are greatly stimulating, the fiction born out of them shall be as well. I feel supremely confident about that. But if not … well crap! Back to the drawing board :-p

She took her time stepping into the car, carefully showing off her new, shiny, black ornaments. She slid into the passenger seat and turned beaming at Sam, anticipating his reaction.

But he was staring dead ahead out of the windshield. Sandra looked too to see what he was so concentrated on.

“What’s wrong babe,” she asked innocently.

He remained silent for a moment and finally turned to her with a sweet smile. Sandra smiled back, but hesitantly.

“Sandra, you know how crazy I am about you, right?” He asked.

“Uh-huh,” she responded while bobbing her head up and down.

“Well, things have been going really well - and you know how much I love being with you.”

“But … ?” She waited expectantly.

“I think we should maybe slow things down a bit and take a step back. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea though. I’m not trying to break up or anything.” Sam looked back out the window nervously and coughed.

“Funny, that’s exactly what it sounds like.” Sandra’s eyes began to tear up. She couldn’t believe it. He was actually breaking up with her.

“You know things have really been ramping up at work and my semester exams are about to get started too. I just don’t know that I can juggle everything and do right by you.”

Sam continued with his explanation for why he was breaking up with her.

However, Sandra was no longer listening. She just couldn’t make sense of what he was saying anymore. All she knew was that she had on the most perfect boots for the most perfect date and he had completely destroyed it.

Her eyes began to well with tears. She turned to look at his apologetic face and watched his mouth, still moving.

Then, unexpectedly, Sandra’s sadness began to turn into something else. She felt hot all over.

Sandra raised one boot clad leg and screamed, “You see this? I bought these for you! A week’s paycheck for you!”

Sam stopped mid sentence and stared back at her. “Sandra I didn’t ask you to do anything for me. Much less spend a whole pay – ”

“I thought it’d be nice to do something special for our anniversary!” She spat back.

“What? What anniversary? What are you talking about?” Sam asked, bewildered.

“I can’t believe you didn’t even realize this is our three month anniversary of our very first date!” Sandra stamped her foot, which had been hanging in the air, into his formerly scratch free dashboard.

Sam looked at her sternly. HIs breathing was heavy and measured. She could tell he was trying to keep his composure.

Finally, he looked her in the eye and said, “Sandra I don’t think this is going to work out.”

Sandra looked out of the window in silent anger. He’d ruined what was to be the perfect night. He’d thoughtlessly ruined everything.

After a few moments, when it finally registered that she and Sam were truly over, she broke.  

Sandra swung around and smacked Sam square in the jaw. She held his eyes, and for a moment she feared what he might do in retaliation.  His face had turned crimson where she’d hit him.

Sam spoke very carefully and evenly. “Sandra.” He paused. “You need to get out of the car.”

Sandra looked down at her outfit and fiddled with the hem of her skirt. Finally, indignantly, she stepped out onto the curb – barely having time to close the door completely before Sam sped off.

She flexed her feet and smiled looking down at her new boots. Sandra was pleased with herself. She managed to reign in a giggle as others passed by the stoop in front of her building.

She’d eyed them from two months ago and was finally able to afford them. They were going to be perfect for tonight. Everything was going to be perfect.

Sandra’s black patent leathers rose up and covered her knees. She knew it looked hot with her tights and mini-skirt. Just then a gust of wind blew and seemed to suck the air right out of her. Her wool kitten coat didn’t provide her much protection from the weather either.  

“Sandra, what are you doing out here?” Her neighbor Mira was coming down the steps behind her and not trying to hide the snide look on her face at all.

“I’m waiting for Sam,” Sandra pouted. She thought she was dressed most appropriately for a warm Mercedes S-class with heated seats.

“He’s probably just caught up in traffic anyway. He was supposed to be here almost,” she looked down at her phone, “five minutes ago.”  Sandra screwed her face up disapprovingly.

“Well, I’m sure he has a perfectly good reason for being five minutes late,” Mira said patronizingly.

Mira often spoke in a patronizing voice to cab drivers, newsstand guys, vendors, pretty much anyone she happened to cross paths with and whom she didn’t qualify as intellectual enough to understand that they were being patronized.

“Well, it’s not that cold out here anyway. It’s just the wind,” Sandra winced as another gust blew past them.

Then around the corner, Sam’s Mercedes pulled around. She promptly stood up, giving Mira a wry smile, and bound down the steps to the heated seat awaiting her inside.

Without thinking, I ran off into the middle of the road. I wouldn’t let her get very far. We needed to talk about this. I wasn’t angry at her anymore. I just wanted it all over with. Maybe I’d gone too far, but she’d pushed me. Despite all the animosity between us, Marie may have been selfish but she wasn’t stupid. 

Still, she pulled the car out of the driveway and turned it around. Her fog lights in tandem with the headlights nearly blinded me. That’s when I heard her tires spinning. I stood my ground, testing her. She’d run Damon into the ground with her bullying and posturing, but there was no way possible she’d actually -   

“No! ” I screamed, horrified.  

Marie’s car bore down on me. All I could see were the the beams of light it emitted through the fog. There was no indication that Marie meant to stop. So I closed my eyes and held my breath bracing my body for the impact. 

Instead what I heard was the sound of Marie’s breaks squealing at the very last second. Then an enormous boom as her El Dorado wrapped itself around an old oak tree, not more than ten feet from where I stood. I breathed deeply as I opened my eyes in astonishment to still be alive. 

A cloud of dust now loomed within the mist. Marie’s mutilated car spewed smoke and fumes. The front driver’s side tire still spun. Marie’s body hung halfway outside of the car, atop the hood, and halfway inside, atop the dashboard. I moved stiffly, as my now leaden legs made it difficult to walk. In shock, I leaned against the other side of the oak’s trunk and slid shakily down to the ground. 

I began rocking back and forth. The tears flowed and I cried. I screamed, whimpered and continued to rock back and forth. Staring at the earth below me, I tried to take it all in. How had we taken it this far? Some stupid, old rivalry revisited had turned into this. How could I live with myself? I’d slept with her husband for christ’s sake! I’d tried rationalizing it to her as I’d done to myself. She’d said they were separated. My lips trembled. I shut my eyes tightly and hung my head in shame. The guilt rose up in me making my body shudder. 

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting at the base of the tree, but my eyes were bloodshot and my was face swollen. I agonized over how I was going to explain, everything. I looked over at the wreckage beside me and then to the cloud of dust mixing with the mist down the road. There was a red Expedition in the middle of the cloud. Damon’s. Her husband.

There are so many things going on in the United States in relation to the recession, that it’s easy to forget the turmoil facing other nations. It is a tragedy that what happened in Haiti would bring to the forefront what we already knew. Haiti is one of thee most impoverished countries in the Western Hemisphere. Historically speaking, aid to the country has been as sketchy as some of its political affiliations. 

Nevertheless, it is the people of Haiti, trying to survive in a depressed economy that ought to be our focus right now. Relief assistance to Haiti is much needed in not only repairing its architectural ruin, but also its longstanding struggle to meet the standard societal needs of the people. 

I pray for Haiti’s reconstruction, the safety of its people and the comfort of those who have friends and loved ones who reside there. I also hope that this tradegy, by bringing Haiti into the limelight, will serve a greater purpose in encouraging others to speak to the needs of Haiti beyond the recent outpouring of donations for the country’s rehabilitation. 

Please refer to the upper right sidebar of this post to make your contribution and assist in Haiti’s Disaster Relief.

I stared at my drink in deep meditation. I knew it was no good for me. It would only worsen things in the morning, but right now – I just needed to clear my head. I was suddenly faced with a decision that I just didn’t feel prepared to deal with.  I could suffer through life with a sure thing or go for the gusto and take a leap of faith.

Lester was fundamentally better suited for the task of marriage. Geoff was better suited for … well other tasks. I couldn’t help but smile at the unlucky choices I had before me. Not so many had either choice at all. Then it dawned on me, what I was really meditating on. I’d been so caught up in the headiness of being wanted and desired by two men, at the idea of being able to choose, that I’d failed to truly consider the choices. 

This really wasn’t about Lester or Geoff at all. I was indifferent in every way to them both. If that weren’t the case, there would be no competition. What is indifference to true love or even lust and passion? The decision I was really belaboring was whether I would choose to be alone or not. I could either hold onto a relationship gone cold and stale or quietly let them both go. I imagined letting both of them ease into the rolling tide and off into the sunset. As I gazed wistfully into my drink, the idea of casting their memories adrift began to take hold.  Then the solitude created would be all my own and of my own making.

My next blog, which will of course be linked to this one, will mainly cover societal issues and relationships. Exciting stuff! I can’t wait to get it up and running.

Changing gears a bit, I finally scoped out a place where I can both get my tire replaced and a tune-up at a reasonable price. I have a list of endodontics offices that’ll hopefully be cheaper than my first referral. I took care of some loose ends on the budget front, in anticipation of filing my taxes this week. Oh, and to start the year off right, I’m ordering my credit report. (I strongly encourage you do the same.) I downloaded the rest of the music for my MP3 - which took ‘ever - before the free trial period runs out ;o) Lastly, I got my list together so I can start submitting apps for a part-time writing gig. 

So now that I’ve set some things in motion, it’s time to ramp it up for the new year. Now if only I could direct that kind of energy toward straightening my apartment. Going to the gym and sweating it out that way is far easier than sweating it out over a kitchen sink or bathroom floor anyday. Ugh! Nevertheless, as I must I shall.

As happens with most bad habits, once you’ve begun to entertain them, you have to retrain yourself in order to break them. I am hereby retraining myself from my four day hiatus from writing. It’s been four days since I’ve posted to my blog, or written anything new in fact. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone without posting to Write All About It since I started the blog!

While I could comfortably settle into any number of excuses as to why I haven’t been writing, I’ve choosen the following:

Over the past few days I’ve been feeling pretty deflated and much distracted. First, I recently learned that in lieu of me being ”downsized,” my salary is going to be “downsized.” Shortly thereafter, I learned that I would need to undergo a painfully pricey dental procedure. Ouch! Next, I missed my very last (prepaid) writing workshop. Ahhhh!  It was to be the highlight of my week. Then finally, the clincher, the reason I missed my class was because I had a tire blow out on I-94 (I’m lucky to be alive) on one of the coldest nights (thank God the heat functions properly) in Chicagoland. What? It’s my pity party and I can vet if I want to!

Okay, so the dog ate my homework. The truth is, and sometimes the truth hurts, it’s painful to write when you feel crappy and unmotivated. Yet, and I’m glad I didn’t miss any of my earlier classes, one technique my instructor taught us to use when you’re having difficulty focusing is to write in the stream of conscious. The theory being, it’ll get your engine jump started and before you know it you’ll be raring to go.

Plus, writing in and of itself can be a cathartic exercise requiring little stretching and a lot of healthy meditation. So from here on out I promise, promise to never not write for any length of time again! Plus, I’d hate to lose my mastery of an ever extensive vocabulary